Why has it been forever since I've blogged? School. That has been the top of my to-do list since August and blogging fell off the to-do list. Oops. Not to mention I've had a wedding to plan. Speaking of...

I looked up the weather today for the wedding...60 % chance of rain. Woop de doo. Oh well.

I bought 3 oz containers for toiletries that I can take in my carry on. Alex and I will be flying on our honeymoon, but we're just going to carry on our bags for convenience sake. However, it's not so convenient when you have to go buy more stuff to put your stuff in because TSA has so many regulations. Their catchy phrase is "3-1-1," which means 3.4 oz or less, in one 1-qt size ziploc bag, in one carry on. However, as you probably know, shampoo and conditioner does not come that small. Lucky for me, I love to pack, especially when it's for my HONEYMOON, so having to do a few more things isn't shaking me.

If you're wondering about the honeymoon...I am too! Ha! It is a surprise. Alex has planned everything, thank the Lord for my fiance! :) Here's what I know:

1) Staying in Chatt-town for the wedding night, then waking up to go to his graduation (don't call me crazy, I know I am) at 10 am, lunch with his family then we're peacing out!

2) We're driving somewhere with similar weather as Chatt to stay a couple of nights.

3) We're driving to the airport, then flying to a beach out of the country!

I'm pumped. I am so excited to get away. Wedding planning this week pushed me over the edge. There's just so little time and things I thought I wanted like cutesy D.I.Y. stuff are just being cut. It's not important, and no one will remember it if it is there-not even me, so I hear! I'm trying my hardest to enjoy everything. When my finals are over Friday I'll be able to relax and little bit more. It's very stressful knowing how much I have to do, plus school is still hanging around.

I just pray and hope that I can truly remember everything and enjoy everything. I don't want to be hung up on stupid things and get irritated on my wedding day because something doesn't go my way. I see lots of bubble baths in my plans for next week to relax me. As for now, even though I have an exam at 8 I'm going to pack a little for the honeymoon and watch an episode or two of 'Friends'!

A Home

Alex and I are in search for an apartment. Finding one within our price range and with everything we need is tough. We started looking in May, then Alex went to camp, so we've started looking again. We found a couple of places but we're not sure if they'll be available when Alex wants to move in.

The one we're really liking right now is pretty cool. It's a gated apartment complex which I believe is a one and only in Chattanooga. There's a washer and dryer in every unit. That would save us money for a laundry mat and let us wait until we have a more permanent residence to buy a w/d. It's close to the interstate which can get us downtown in about 15 minutes, to East Brainerd in about 15 minutes, the mall in about 7 minutes...It's a newer building with new carpet and nice cabinets and appliances. It's so clean and quiet. We love it.

I just want Alex to move in now so we can set it all up!

I always cry at weddings.

I'm not sure if it's seeing the bride all dressed up and ready to marry her man, or all the beautiful wedding party, or all the beautiful flowers just there for the wedding, or seeing the parents cry and sniffle, or watching everyone walk down the aisle. But I have been to three weddings this summer and have cried or atleast teared up at every one of them.

The first was my future-brother-in-law's and I cried when I saw his mom and stepmom crying. It was bittersweet for them to let the baby go. The bride was beautiful and Alex looked so handsome.

The second was one of my best friends from high school, and I was a bridesmaid. I cried, like tears-rolling-down-my-face-and-having-to-have-a-tissue-for-my-nose cried, at the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, before the ceremony, as I was walking down the aisle, during the ceremony and at the reception. This wedding I know that seeing her dad walk her down the aisle was the kicker. She and her dad are very close and they joked the whole weekend about how he couldn't cry otherwise she'd turn into a bawling mess. Of course, he cried, but she held it together some how. :) It was also seeing her in her wedding dress, looking absolutely radiant and so happy to see her husband. I've known both of them so long and Molly has been there for me so many times. I was just so happy to see them finally get married and to be there through everything.

The third was this past weekend. Alex's best friend since forever married a wonderful woman whom I've known for almost a year. The groom is a friend of mine as well (since high school) and has been with Alex and me through SO much, and I've gotten to know the bride really well over the time we've had together and she is so dear to me now. I just knew that I was going to cry. But this time it was because of more than just the outward things that go with the wedding (dress, flowers, etc). The day was beautiful. No clouds in the sky, barely humid during the late morning and early afternoon, the sun was warm but not blazing. When I heard Jon the night before at the rehearsal, I just knew I was going to cry. He was so serious and honest and genuine by his tone of voice and the way he looked at Lizzy. There was a wave of beauty over the whole thing. Lizzy was so beautiful and each one of the bridesmaids looked beautiful and happy and natural. Jon was handsome and so were each of the groomsmen. I think most of it was the smiles that everyone had on their faces the whole day. I cried because Jon had the biggest smile on his face when he saw her walking down the aisle to him. Again, the smiles!

Of course, I couldn't help this whole summer but get more and more excited about my wedding after each wedding that I went to. I tried my best to completely focus on the people who were getting married and to make it about their day. But what's a wedding if it doesn't remind you of your own vows you've said or will say? Since Alex didn't have to rush back to camp after this last wedding, we had a lot of time to discuss our's. He was so taken back by how beautiful the ceremony was at Jon and Lizzy's. I don't think he expected to feel that way, and it made me so happy because it made me realize he's ready and he's excited about wedding planning now! We talked the whole way home about our's and what we want to do and what we don't want to do. I've never been this excited to get married!

God Provides

This summer I have been reminded over and over that God provides! When my dinosaur-of-a-digital-camera is about to croak, Alex brings home a nice digital camera that was in lost and found all summer (btw, no memory card and camera is dead). When I have just payed off my credit card and have almost no money in my checking account and I go to my roommate's birthday party---someone offers to buy my dinner, and won't take no for an answer! When I asked God for quality time with my girlfriends, I had three girl nights in one week, and that happened more than once! When I begged God for a way out of spending so much money on the wedding, he gave us a contact for a cake baker who can give us a deal that is 50% less than any other bakery! When I asked God to provide Alex with support and comfort for all the change in his life, he meets 15 new friends at camp who jump right into his life and encourage him everyday! When I asked God to give me a love for his word, he did.

I could keep going...I am so overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness and unbelief that my life would be so blessed by my heavenly father! Not to say this summer has been perfect. Ask Alex-he'll tell you I struggled, and he struggled as well. But God gave us resources to get through and we've made it through!

I'm not scared for what marriage is going to bring. I'm not nervous about financial issues or the "what ifs" anymore. I am confident that even through difficult times, God will show his glory and we just have to give it right back!

Crazy Love

I just finished reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan this week. It's really making me challenge myself and make me remember my love for living simply! He describes in the book his church and that their budget is 50/50. They work with 50% and the other 50% goes to a donation. His thought is that they should sacrifice so that they are allowing others to have just as much as they have. I love that idea. I hope that Alex and I can live that way. Chan challenges the readers of his book to live radically-even when that means being called crazy.

Alex has also been convicted of this simple living idea while he's been at camp. He thinks differently about buying clothes and things that he "needs." He wants to buy less stuff and give more away.

Could I have met a more perfect match for my life? I was so encouraged by Alex telling my what's been on his heart because it's been on my heart too. Just think of what God can do through us, through our small offering! I'm praying for something great to happen as we start preparing our life together!

Father's Day

It goes without saying that this Father's Day was among one of the most difficult days for Alex since his dad passed away. The first without his dad, and the first one where he actually remembered it was Father's Day. He told me that before this year, he wouldn't remember it was Father's Day until he called his mom and she reminded him. Unfortunately, we didn't think about it before he left for the summer, and therefore, didn't make it the priority that it should have been. There were some issues with him coming home that could have been avoided had we decided ahead of time what we were going to do. But they all got worked out, he was still able to spend time with his stepmom, and we were able to eat lunch with my family.

What I never knew was that Alex's dad didn't really like Father's Day. He didn't like being treated extra special that one day just because it was claimed Father's Day. He wanted Alex to act like he always did and not go out of the way to do anything special just because of the day. Alex would normally call his dad about midday and talk to him just like normal. He really missed being able to talk to him.

At church Sunday morning, one of his professors from school and one of the praise team members asked me how he was doing. I explained as best as I could understand. He told me something that I had never thought of. He said, "Well, Rebecca, you know he will feel like this every year on Father's Day until he is a father himself. Then it will mean something completely different. I always thank [my wife] on this day because she made me a father." When I told Alex that later he just nodded his head. I'd asked him before what he would think if, later down the road when we're ready to have kids, I told him I was pregnant on Father's Day. He didn't like it so much...We talked on Sunday what he would like to do on Father's Day when he's a dad, and he said he wanted it like any other day. Just like his dad. Not that it's anywhere close but I was just curious. I figured maybe talking about having kids would cheer him up a little.

It's been a struggle for me since his dad died because when Alex is having a rough day, I never know what to say. I especially didn't know what to say on Sunday. But he told me I helped him out a lot by just being with him when he was in town, and going with him to see his stepmom. He also had quite a surprise when he went back to camp on Sunday night. All the staff had written notes of encouragement on a Coca Cola can for Alex. He felt so loved. I am so thankful that he has Fuge camp. Although it's difficult for me, I know he is definitely in his element and he is always surrounded by people who love him.

Summer Time

I have thoroughly enjoyed my summer so far. I can't believe a month and a half have already gone by. I have worked most of it, but I have come to enjoy my job, as I feel more comfortable each day. It's crazy to look at someone's shot record and see that I gave them a shot back in May. While it has gone by fast, May feels like such a long time ago. I don't want to wish my summer away, however, Alex is only starting his second week of camp, out of eight...I hate not being closer to him, especially when I have time off. It will be nice to have him all to myself the first week and a half of August before he starts student teaching.

Riverbend is happening. It's so relaxing to just sit by the river and listen to good music. Once you get past all the people, it's not so frantic. I'm looking forward to spending more time at the pool with friends and spending time with Alex, when he is able to come home for the weekend or I'm able to visit there.

I'm still working on wedding plans. The next big goal is to nail down a florist. So far, I've been to two, and may go to a third. Both have shown me mock-ups of what the bouquets would look like with the flowers I want, and I know no matter who I go with, they will be beautiful! The next is the cake, which is pretty much decided, we just need to get it in paper. After the florist, I think I'll get the invitations ordered so I can have them addressed or ready to address before school starts. I'm praying that no one moves. It will just make it so much easier on me this coming semester. My mom and I will venture to Ikea of Atlanta soon to gather decorations for the reception. I love Ikea and she is so looking forward to it.

On a sadder note, a wonderful friend from school is going through a very difficult time. Almost a week ago, her brother and father were in a terrible boat accident, leaving them both unconscious. I'm not quite sure of the details but they are both still in the hospital. Every day we've had tiny bits of good news. One of my favorite things I've heard is that my friend commented on her brother's facebook, talking about how he and her dad both squeezed her hand yesterday. I just cried knowing that it was so encouraging to Camille. Healing requries a lot of waiting that is so difficult for friends and family. We're still praying Tyson and Mr. Ed!

Mark and Megan's Wedding

Last weekend was my future-brother-in-law's wedding. Here are a few pictures from the weekend.

My adorable niece, Abigail. Alex and I call her monkey.

She has the cutest smile!

Right before Alex drove back to Carson Newman.

Wedding Etiquette

I know absolutely nothing about wedding etiquette. At marthastewartweddings.com they answer many a question about wedding etiquette, from the invitation (wording, time, how to stack each piece correctly, etc.) to the budget (who pays for what, when to tip, how much to tip, etc.).

Here is some of the things I did not know. It is so specific!

Money: Traditionally, the bride's family, if they are hosting, covers the cost of mostly everything. Church, reception room, flowers, food, music. The groom's family then is responsible for the rehearsal dinner. They are also "traditionally" responsible for the corsages and boutenniere's of the immediate family members (did not know this!). The groom is then responsible for...the bride's bouquet ("flowers for his 'date'"), boutenierre's for the groomsmen, groomsmen gifts, marriage license fee, officiant fee, wedding rings and honeymoon. I would love to know what Alex would think of all of that. He would probably pay for all that if I asked him to. :) Nowadays, some couples pay for their own wedding and in some cases the bride and groom families split the entire bill. Etiquette is more tradition than anything I think, especially since weddings are evolving into a more individual decision.

Attire: Strapless dresses are considered formal and should be avoided for any wedding that will occur during the day. White ties are also reserved for formal or evening weddings. Thank goodness that the tradition is changing so that brides can do whatever they want. I know so many girls whose dresses are strapless, and they are getting married during the day. Not like it really matters...The only way I could see it being an issue is if a place of worship had a certain dress code. My dress is strapless, and the time for the wedding is 8:00 in the evening. No worries for me.

Invitations: The abbreviation "am" or "pm" should not be mentioned on the invitation. The only time the distinction needs to be made is if the wedding is at 8, 9 or 10 in which you would note either "in the evening" or "in the morning." I would hope that no wedding would take place at 10 at night but do whatever you want, I suppose. The registry should not be included in the invitation at all. The trend of providing an envelope and stamp for the RSVP is not tradition or etiquette, only convenience for the guest. It is not rude to ask them to mail a note in, or email, instead of providing the envelope. Printed labels are a "no-no." Invitations should be hand addressed.

So either this is just stuff you pick up from going to many weddings, or from having a wedding where the families abide by this like the Ten Commandments. I am so glad it's acceptable these days to do whatever you want. I'm sure allowing the groom and groomsmen to wear Converse tennis shoes during the ceremony is not proper etiquette. ;) Who cares?!

Wedding Projects

I have been perusing the marthastewartweddings.com website (which is amazing for all those who love crafting and DIY projects!) and have found some really cool projects. My goal is to work on some and have them completed before the summer is over. I'm working on having a no-stress-about-the-wedding fall semester by attempting to get everything that I can out of the way this summer. So far, it's going well and it's only June.

These cakes look amazing and delicious! The recipe seems easy...but we'll see! *Note: Obviously, I couldn't make these too far ahead of time since it's food... :)* I'll post some pictures if I can get around to making these.

These two banners are adorable. Hopefully it wouldn't be raining the day of the wedding so the sign on the car wouldn't get wet.

If only my wedding were in the summer...I LOVE parasols and loved them when I was little. I never got to be a flower girl, but would have loved this!

I think I have seen every guest book idea known to man, except this one! Way to go on originality!

This table runner is wrapping paper! You would probably need some heavy duty wrapping paper so it doesn't rip as easily.
Most wedding websites, under their DIY section, have nothing or everything they have looks cheap. I was very impressed with marthastewartweddings.com. These are inexpensive but they look nice. Martha has done it again, or atleast the people who work for her have. ;)

Babies, Anyone?

With all the weddings coming up this summer (one on Saturday kicking off my summer of weddings!), all I've thought about is how fun it will be to have so many friends who are married. I've never thought of the fact that all these people getting married could also get pregnant! Simple concept, right? Boy meets girl, birds and the bees, blah blah blah...I just haven't thought about it. Of course, each couple I know is being careful but you just never know! Ah! I can't believe the thought has never crossed my mind. That's a good thing though.

I would never wish a baby on anyone who is not prepared though. Babies take a lot of time and money and space. For two people who are in school or just out of school, that would be a hectic addition to already busy lives. Babies are blessings as well, though. God's plan will work out and I just pray that we will all take each challenge with stride and lean on each other when we need it.

Just think, in one year there could be a Baby Ford (Mark and Megan's), Baby White, Baby Meeks, Baby Cooze and I guess another Baby Ford (Alex and me) either here or on their way! Crazy! This freaks me out SO much, but you know, we've all got to be prepared. I know that we will be, and we all support each other so much and are all staying in town so if one (or all, bahahahaha) of us were to get pregnant we can help each other out.

No more baby talk.

One Year

I meant to post on Sunday, but I failed to.

Alex and I have been engaged for one year. I cannot believe that a year has gone by already. I am so thankful that we've had this time together. I do not regret waiting a year and a half. I've been able to enjoy being engaged without having to think about the wedding at all, and I have so much time to plan the wedding. We're learning about each other in a way that is different from when we were just dating. And we've had fun just being engaged!

Just a few more months. :)

Nosy People

Personal Wedding Predicament #1:

What do you do when people you weren't planning on inviting to the wedding ask you when and where it is?

Usually I reply with, "December." Today, however, after I said that the person who asked me said, "What day in December?" Which forced me to say the exact date. It made me feel uncomfortable because I didn't want to make them feel as if they were going to be invited. Hopefully the fact that it's still over 6 months away will work in my favor and people will forget.

The people I know that read this blog every now and then--no worries. You will be invited. But to all the people who may or may not read my blog that I don't know about, no offense if you're not invited. You just cannot invite everyone! I'm sorry if I don't want to invite every single person from my church, or every single person from my church that I say hey to on a weekly basis, or every single one of my mom's friends, or every single person that my dad works with. The people I want to share in our wedding day are family and close friends who know Alex and myself. I don't want to invite people who have never even met him just because they go to my church or happen to know me through my parents. Why would someone want to go to a wedding in which they barely know the people?

Personal Wedding Predicament #2:

Just because I participate in and celebrate other people's marriages does not mean I am just there to get ideas.

At almost every shower I've been to this year for my friends someone has said something like, "You taking notes? You getting ideas? Is that why you're here?" Umm... absolutely not! Why can't I just be enjoying someone else's shower? Do people really think people do that? Do people really think that I am that kind of person? Do people think that I am so involved in the small details of my wedding that I'm only concerned with that until the wedding day is over? I really hope not.

I understand that some people say that because they want to just be nice or maybe it's an easy conversation point if they want to ask me about my wedding. But I feel like I have worked so hard to not think about my wedding at other people's wedding stuff that it's very frustrating. I have not been perfect at that but I do try. You only have one day to celebrate the greatest day of your life. I like to give other people that. I'm selfish and hope that at my showers and at my wedding people aren't talking about other people's weddings. I really do want it to be a celebration of these two lives joining and starting together.

Personal Wedding Predicament #3:

I really could care less about what the cake looks like, what kind of flower is in the boutonniere's, and what food we're serving everyone.

Why, in our country, have weddings become the new "show and tell"? In this country, the wedding ceremony falls out of focus and the spotlight is on the reception. The major things are: do you have the best food? the best flowers? the most expensive everything? Yes, I want a fun reception because I think it's important to celebrate and be joyful. No, I do not want to spend $25,000. I was watching "Say Yes to the Dress" yesterday and one dress that a bride wanted was $11,000!!! Please tell my why someone could justify spending that much money on one dress that they will wear for about ten hours.

Of course, I want it to be nice because it is special and worth making a big deal about it. However, the little details are not what is important.

I might have gone a little overboard about all this but I'm just frustrated.

Wedding Planning Day

The day has finally come to where my mother and I will spend a day working on things for the wedding. I've said I was going to do this since I've been engaged. This summer, summer of 2010, the one before my wedding, is here. The day off is here. The appointments are here.

Hopefully we'll get a lot accomplished. My goal for the summer is to have everything planned and prepared for the wedding before school starts back August 23. I have...87 days, and three weddings to attend within that 87 days.

Here's to wedding planning! Cheers!

Life After Marriage

Every now and then, I wonder what it will be like after the wedding. First and foremost, I am thrilled to get married and live with Alex. I think we will make a wonderful team, just as we are now. Second, it will be nice to finally have a home together, no longer having to say goodbye at the end of dates or meet up before we go somewhere. Third, it just sounds like so much fun!

At the same time, I will be living with a boy. A b.o.y. I have two brothers. I've also seen Alex's sink when he doesn't clean it regularly. I know how guys live and in many ways, it is completely opposite of the way I live. I know we'll figure it out, but I know I'll probably be cleaning a lot more than he does, for my sake, and putting down the toilet seat often. :)

Then again, there are plus sides to living with a boy. He'll be there to kill bugs when I'm not and reach the top shelf of the cabinet because we still haven't bought a step stool. He'll fix things and put things together and set up stuff. I mean, I know how to do most everything you need to know because I've lived in an apartment before, but I like that I will have someone there to do it for me and help me.

It will be interesting figuring out schedules when we live together. We'll begin to know when the other comes home, what each of us likes to do before we get to something around the house and little nuances like that.

I'm just really looking forward to it. 7 months til December 17, 2010!

Deal, or No Deal?

Alex and I have had a crazy week. I have just started a new job at an allergy clinic, where I've been working a TON. I'm thankful that they are scheduling me so much but I'm not used to it and it's wearing me out. Alex, on the other hand, does not have much to do job-wise until he leaves for Centrifuge in a couple of weeks :-(. So the combination does not leave us with much time together at all. This week has been especially busy, with a mid-week gig for SMB (Seth Medley Band) in Atlanta and 4 softball games.

Within that mix, Alex and I all of a sudden had this living opportunity before us. He was completely on board, and I was not, at first. We had many heated discussions and arguments that were just stressful. But then we somehow came to a compromise. Yesterday, we spent the whole day looking at apartments and then going to Lowe's. I was so excited after leaving Lowe's because this opportunity was seeming more and more like the blessing Alex was trying to get me to see. But last night while discussing our budget and money things we got into another argument and just absolutely was scary. I hated talking about that subject in the way we were and none of the responsibilities we talked about we have YET.

So after all of that...we've decided to stick with the safer route and live in an apartment. We have learned, however, that while money is essential and important to spend wisely, the most important thing in our marriage is loving each other.

Celebration

The semester is officially over!! Here are some pictures from this year...oh how the time has flown by!

my birthday. with swollen cheeks still from wisdom teeth removal (top) &

the first UTC football game of the season. last marching season for alex! woohoo (bottom).

first tennessee vol football game of the season, first and last kiffin season for TN (top) & alex's 21st birthday at provino's (bottom).

fall break, camping with the family. here at dixie stampede (top) & halloween at the symphony...clue characters, from left, col. mustard, ms. peacock, prof. plum, mrs. white, mr. green and ms. scarlet (bottom).

beat hunger (top) & rock city (bottom).

christmas with the roomies (top) & disney with the fantastic four (bottom).

christmas with the family (top) & memories of alex's dad (bottom).

about to celebrate jon & lizzy's engagement at UPD (top) & signal point (bottom), photo credit: lizzy kiern.

one of my best friend's lingerie shower!

alex and drew's senior recital, the lighting is horrible.

I just want to say how proud I am of Alex. He has made it through four years of college and wants to graduate so badly. All he has left is student teaching in the fall. While he finished the last of marching band last semester, he will have to help with marching band in the fall at the high school he student teaches at...which will be time consuming (every friday night football game and saturday camp, plus competitions). He will still be a part of the Seth Medley Band, which has a CD out--Congrats! He does so much, I don't even know how he has time for it all. I'm sure throughout all of his recent accomplishments, his dad is so proud of him.

He has stuck with me throughout these four years--thank God! He has been supportive, even though he may have been having a tough day. He has been challenging me, pushing me to be a better person to others and spiritually. He has become a part of my family and allowed me into his family. I know I talk him up a lot, but he is so great. I cannot wait to marry him December 17, 2010.

This summer, my goals are to:

-work, work, work

-make money, money, money

-save the money, money, money

-get the wedding planned to the very last detail

-find an apartment for Alex and I to plan to live in after we're married (:D)

-spend time relaxing, reading books, and spending time with friends.

School, Please Hurry Up and Finish!

I'm so close to being done with school for this semester. I have one exam today and the last one tomorrow. SO CLOSE! Then I will finally be a senior!

It's about that time when all my friends are starting to get married. Check out my summer:

• I know someone getting married May 8, 2010.
• Alex's brother is getting married June 5, 2010.
• I'm in one of my best friend's weddings on July 17, 2010.
• Alex is acting as best man for his best friend on August 7, 2010.
• Alex and I are both in a wedding in September 2010.

That leaves two more months until our own!! So not only will I be getting prepared for my own wedding this December, but I will be attending 5 this summer! Yay for weddings! I need to save money. :P

Congratulations to all my friends: Marlene & Zach, Megan & Mark, Molly & Zach, Lizzy & Jon, and Corinne & Alex Cooze!

Time to go take my second to last exam.

Not for the Faint at Heart

Tonight, at the Maunday Thursday service at my church, they offered a time where you could wash someone's feet. I didn't have Alex with me to wash his feet, so instead I read the rest of the Gospel of Mark, after the Last Supper. I think that was ok. :P

Anyway...as I was reading about the events that took place following Jesus' arrest, like all the high priests searching for a charge against him and finding nothing, being beaten and spit upon, and then being crucified and buried, I thought about his family and friends and wondered what they were thinking and how they were feeling while all this was going on. Did they know this was going to happen or were they as clueless as the disciples? Nothing is mentioned about the family until the burial, at least in the book of Mark.

What I am wondering now is how they dealt with that. What their grieving looked like, what they thought about Jesus after that, how they imagined their lives from then on without Jesus. It may say in other books, but I don't know the gospels well enough. I will read up...

I've never been so close to someone who was grieving as I am now with Alex. Sure, my close friends have lost grandparents, but it's not the same. Some days he is great, his usual, crazy self. Then some days, he'll act like he is ok, but if I say the wrong thing, he just can't handle it and says, "I'm having a hard day, ok?" It's so hard to tell when he's struggling and when he is doing ok because he won't tell me unless I hit the wrong button. I've tried telling him that if I know he's having a rough day I can do my best to not hit push his buttons, but if I have no clue, I can't help him. That may not be the best policy but I've gone back to my normal routine, while everyday he is facing another day without his dad.

How lucky for the family of Jesus to see Jesus risen from death after he was buried! How lucky are we to know that through all his suffering, the scripture is fulfilled and He was resurrected! So tomorrow, as we go through Good Friday and remember everything that happened on that Friday, 2010 years ago, grieve because of the suffering He faced but remember what is to come Sunday morning!

"What wondrous love is this, oh my soul, oh my soul. What wondrous love is this, oh my soul."

Learning

After the seemingly shocking revelation of graduation being moved, I have chilled out quite a bit. We're planning for Friday night now, 12-17-10 around 7:30 or 8 pm. It works out because I wanted a night wedding originally! God has definitely spoke to me about chilling out...and how getting so worked up was irrational. It has been a learning experience for future times of panic! I got a little too worked up, doubting that December was the right time to get married.

Complete change of subject but my roommate and I have recently been discussing the "Elect." She learned about it last summer and we listened to this great sermon by Paul Washer, explaining it to us. But since then, I never really studied the Bible and got away from learning more. This past weekend we talked about it again. Through my questions and our discussion, I was so touched by how God works through people. I felt His presence so much when we were just talking and combing through scripture. I am so thankful for that experience. I still had some questions after that and I continued to pray about it. She lead me to a great blog article, answering my specific questions.http://jamespruch.wordpress.com/articles/gods-sovereign-choice-in-salvation/ It's pretty radical if you were raised in the kind of church/youth retreats I was, where God is this big teddy bear that you decide to pick up when you're ready to be a Christian. It's not easy to read, but at the same time it's not hard to accept when you dig through scripture. The verses that really grabbed my heart were: "No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him." John 6:44, and "...but you do not believe because you are not part of my flock. My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me...My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand." John 10: 26-27, 29 I have never noticed that kind of language in the Bible because it was never taught in my church...understandingly because I think it would kind of turn nonbelievers away to hear that followers of Christ are chosen. However, I believe it's the truth, which is difficult because a lot of my close friends do not believe that.

Honestly, it does not matter. I know I am a part of His flock, which I am grateful for and it makes me wonder why I act the way I do sometimes. My job is to preach the Gospel to everyone because ultimately I am not the one who will draw the believers. God calls His flock.

I think I have really grown the past few weeks, atleast in being open to where God is leading my life. I never thought I would be here or possibly planning the things I might be planning in the next few months. ;) Alex and I actually found a house in January that we really fell in love with and we thought would be our house someday...I'm learning to let that go and be open to moving wherever God takes us. I'm excited and ready to hang on for the ride! Just get me out of school more quickly and I'll be super happy.

Molly, thank you for the encouragement and prayer. I wish you lived closer!

The Date

Up until now, Alex and I have felt like we'd gotten some signs showing us that getting married December 18, 2010 was the perfect time. A class required for him to graduate, only scheduled in the spring and summer, was brought to his attention late last semester. The time for this spring conflicted with another class, therefore making it to where he either had to take it this summer (removing him from going to Fuge) or next spring (2011), which would mean we would have had to move the wedding to next summer after he (and I, by then) graduated. The teacher made an exception for he and Drew, because of the exceptional music education students they are, and let them take it by making it an independent study class. There were some scheduling issues late last year, another couple wanting our date, but since we booked so early (last July), we had the church first (there's no better way to say that). We've just felt for a long time that 12-18-10 was our day, and we've gotten attached to it.

However, today I just happened to look at the academic calendar for UTC next year to see when the last day of exams were. Turns out that UTC has all of a sudden changed graduations, starting after this May, to Saturdays instead of Sundays (Sundays have been the day for graduation forever). That means that Alex's graduation is now on Saturday, December 18, 2010 instead of Sunday, December 19, 2010...on our "ex"-wedding date.

After some screaming and a few tears and Alex saying "It's going to be fine" for the 734th time, I still have no idea what to do. I feel kind of silly for being so upset about this screwing everything up, but at the same time your wedding date is really important. It's most frustrating because we already booked the church for the ceremony/reception and the rehearsal, and the photographer. Thankfully, the photographer doesn't have a problem moving the day and the church won't either...it's just a matter of when we're going to move it to.

Yes, we have thought about Alex not walking at graduation. That was his first thought. But I don't think it's fair for him, and two people in our wedding party are graduating that day as well, so if we kept it the same day, we wouldn't have them at our wedding, which I don't want either. We've thought about Saturday night, but our pastor is already booked for a wedding that night, the church doesn't allow anything past 8pm, and the two people in our wedding party also graduating probably want to spend that night with their family. We've thought about Friday night. The church doesn't care how long you stay on Friday (I guess cause it gives them Saturday to put everything back where it was and prepare for church). But I'm so worried about it being a problem for people still in school or having to work that day and then driving to Chattanooga. And the rehearsal would be on a Thursday...who does that? We can't do it on Sunday because too much happens at my church on Sunday. I even thought about January 1, 2011. But I still think that's kind of weird...not sure what Alex thinks about that either. This has just absolutely messed everything up!

I know the most important thing is who I say my vows to and just being married is worth all this hassle, but it's still really frustrating. I also know that the people who care about us most will do anything they can to be at our wedding, so I shouldn't think too much about other people's opinions.

Now I'm starting to doubt that this is the time for us to get married. Should we really get married in December? Is this a sign saying, "No, don't get married in December"? Should we get married after I graduate, making most of my family happy? The only reason why we picked December was because he would be out of school. If he gets a job and has to move, he may have to move in January, so why even get married if we're just going to be apart for 5 months, 'til I'm out of school? I just do not know what to do...we're in quite a pickle.

Spring Break already?

So far, my Spring Break has been very different than what I expected. I had been planning on going to Virginia with SMB, but that fell through about a week ago. :( Don't get me wrong--it's been going well so far and let's be real, I've only technically been on Spring Break since yesterday. Yesterday I sat in a parking lot studying for a test that's after Spring Break, piddle-farted around the mall, ate lunch at Panera and continued studying for my test, picked up my wedding dress, went to CRU, worked out and then saw Alice in Wonderland. I shouldn't be complaining since I didn't have class yesterday, Wednesday or today. But deep down I'm kind of sad that I'm not going to a beach. I've never been to a beach on Spring Break and I feel like I am being deprived! No, I don't want to go to Panama City or Destin and drink beer all day with a bunch of college students. But I would like to be able to go to the beach with my girlfriends and relax, instead of staying in Chattanooga studying for a test...I have to make the best of it though. So tomorrow, Sarah and I are going to Atlanta to peruse Ikea and Lenox Square Mall. Then Sunday, Sarah and I are going hiking somewhere in Chattanooga. I don't want to feel deprived of a college experience just because I don't go to a beach. Rebecca, get over it!

Last night at CRU, Jason talked about Christian men, or being a Godly man. One thing he pointed out was that Christian men today or even men in general, not necessarily believers are a generation of weak men, who don't take responsibility for their actions or their life. They spend their time playing video games, or watching action movies or drinking, instead of furthering their relationship with God and taking action in their lives. He referenced the story of David, Bathsheba and Uriah from 2 Samuel, mentioning that while David did sin, he took responsibility for his actions when Nathan confronted him about it. From both David and Nathan, men can learn lessons about being a man of God. 1) From David, take responsibility for you sin. Confess and repent and embrace the forgiveness from Jesus Christ. 2) From Nathan, don't be afraid to stand up for the truth and to do that you must know the truth and spend time in God's word.

This made me feel so blessed and lucky to have Alex. While he is not perfect, he is a man of God. We had a difficult conversation a few nights ago about what our engagement means and what we should be doing differently. He was so honest with me about where God is leading him and being a spiritual leader saying that if that's what God is leading him to, I have to be willing to accept that. Lately I have not been accepting. My view of what engagement looks like is changing. Instead of focusing so much on us and spending a lot of time together, we should be spending more time with God, together and apart, learning how to love each other the way God loves us. The reason God created marriage is to be a representation of Jesus' love for the church. So that means me being willing to let Alex go with SMB and being a prayer warrior for them. It means me planning while he is gone so we can have that kind of life. It means me listening to what God is telling me and going where I'm supposed to go. That conversation really showed me that Alex is more committed to God than to me, which is ultimately a man of God.

Praying for SMB and Molly as they lead worship for students in Virginia!

Wedding Photographer

Along with the crazy thoughts that bounce around in my head, I'll give anyone who happens to read updates about wedding planning.

We have officially found a wedding photographer! Her name is Brittany Moncrief and she shoots with her husband Jimmy. We met yesterday and she is one of the sweetest people I've ever met! I am so looking forward to working with her and having one-of-a-kind wedding photos that Alex and I can cherish the rest of our lives.

http://moncriefphotography.com/

I am still on the search for a reasonable caterer/florist/decorator-hopefully someone who can do everything. I'm meeting with someone on Friday so cross your fingers!

Other than that, we've got the basics. We have the church booked, my wedding dress is on the way, and Alex has been measured for his tux. I'm feeling pretty organized so far and I'm still 10 months out. I'm really looking forward to have this caterer/florist/decorator nailed down. I will feel much relief after that.

Matthew 7:21-23

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in you name?' And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.' "

How many times do we do something "in the name of the Lord?" But are we really promoting God, or ourselves? I discussed this today with my good friend Drew and my fiance Alex. He said this is such the dilemma with what their trying to do with their ministry. In a way they have to somewhat promote themselves to get their name out there but how do they do that and do it in the name of God?

Is my life pleasing to God? Am I really doing what He wants for my life or what I'm comfortable with?

Turns out it IS a magazine!

Google "Simple Living" and apparently it's not such a new idea.

FYI:

This is a pretty sweet shop in Chatt-town. They sell refurbished products like an old shutter that is now a place for earrings and necklaces. I have a piece that is an old piece of hardwood flooring and a metal tile that I can now hang my keys on! It's really funky stuff that I really like. Check them out:
http://tangerinasonline.com/Home_Page.html

Simple Living?

That sounds like a magazine title. For some reason I am just stuck on this idea. And I've come to realize that most of the time the things in my head that make me think are not of me.

I was trying to work through it in the car earlier and kept asking more and more questions. Where does it stop? For example, I'm down with the whole working with what I got, minimal buying, frugal spending, etc. But what about eating out with friends or going to a movie with my fiance? I don't really need to go out to eat or to a movie to spend time with those people. So God, does that mean You're calling me to give that up too? I've never thought that God wanted me to give that kind of stuff up...but maybe.

This has been a difficult topic to think about as I'm planning my wedding because as most people know, weddings are not inexpensive. How can I justify spending $4000 on food when all I can think about is simple living? The people coming to my wedding are not starving folk! But can't I celebrate my marriage? Jesus turned water into wine for a wedding, which later a man attending the wedding called that wine "the best." I'd say that's pretty celebratory.

My head is just swimming with thoughts. But the one that I keep coming back to is using what I have in the best way I can for the glory of God and His kingdom. Maybe that means not going out with friends one night and eating a grilled cheese sandwich so I can give money every month to my church; or going through my clothes that I don't wear anymore and donating them to someone who can take them to people who are struggling for clothes.

Jesus calls us to lay everything at His feet and follow Him, which I interpret as giving Him everything I have so He can use it, which also means I have to be willing to give up anything and everything. Maybe that's what God is trying to teach me by this whole "Simple Living" thing.

I want to live simply...more simply rather. It's not like I am able to live extravagantly right now. But it's hard for me to keep living the way I am knowing that other people in our world have nothing compared to me. I am rich in someone else's eyes. That's not right to me. I don't think it's how God intended this world.

I want to learn how to navigate this materialistic world as a student and soon-to-be-bride...here I go!